I went to see my mom today. She was my best friend for many years, after I turned eighteen, before she got sick. Now, it is hard to go see her, but I do, every week.
Several years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. It took the docs forever to diagnose her, and by the time they did, it has spread to her lymph nodes, and more scary yet, her brain. They had to do surgery on her brain, then extensive chemo and radiation. During all of this, she remained upbeat and positive, sure she would beat cancer and return to a normal life. Well, she did beat it, she has been in remission for over four years now. And as far as that is concerned, it is over.
The nasty little side effects tho, are far from over. After she was "cancer free", she lost a lot of mobility in one of her legs from the brain surgery. Her hearing was injured during radiation. She is still hoping to grow hair. At least I think she is hoping, as she seems to have lost her higher functioning thought processes on most days.
I love her to no end. She worked so hard to raise me and and my brother, with no help from my 'real' dad. She often worked three jobs to keep us housed and fed. So, every week, when I come in from out of town to back home, I go spend some time with her and dad (stepdad, but better than the real thing) on Sunday. Today, she was not doing so well.
She has been confined to a wheelchair for months now. One day while my parents were out and about, She insisted she could use the bathroom alone, but she fell while she was in there, hitting her head and blacking out. After that is was a real scary month, as she slept about twenty hours a day, and was real out of it when she was awake.
Lately, she has been having more and more good days, where she is with us, and aware of what is going on.
Today, tho, was a bad day. Dad had to run to the store, and since I was there to watch her, he decided to do it then. If he leaves her alone and she is awake, she is liable to try to walk and fall again. She is stubborn that way. While he was gona, all of fifteen minutes, she asked me where he was three times. I told her, loudly, as I said she can't hear very well anymore, but she asked again a minute or so later. I wanted to cry so bad.
Sometimes she can't remember that I work out of town, that I still live with my husband (tho I am tryin to get out of that), or how old my kids are. It's very sad and depressing, and today was really hard on me. I'll be going over there during Thanksgiving. I want to spend time with her, and let her see the kids. It is hard tho, and I wish my kids could see the way she used to be, the confident, smart, outgoing lady that was my best friend.
I remember once, when we went to a function, she was walking around, being her outgoing flirtatious self. She was wearing a little blue slip of a dress, and was looking better than any other mother there. Better than a lot of the younger women to. Some women started talking about her, getting really catty, as women sometimes do, unaware that I was her daughter. I just laughed at them, and told that they should be so lucky to have a mom like that.
I miss my mommy, a lot. I wish she could be all better. I realize parent age, but I was not expceting my mom to age so fast. I was in my late twenties when she got sick. I'm so glad I did not lose her altogether, tho I really wish there was something more I could do to help her.